Working class citizen.

So here I am sitting after a long days work thinking: "Damn, I want a beer!" Is this the feeling I am going to experience for the rest of my life and if so, I most definitely need the second degree so I can progress to a point beyond being an administrative assistant! 

As a whole the job has been going well, nothing too much to report although there is a somewhat awkward vibe at the office. There is most definitely underlying tension although I'm not 100% sure where all of it is coming from. My boss is really nice though. He's friendly and he explains things to me like why I am doing something rather than just telling me to do it with absolutely no background. Things are really going well here but I can't help but think about what is going on back in Gtown. 

I recently read a quote saying "the scariest thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget about you" and I think it could not be more accurate. I can't help but wonder whether Mike has forgotten about me or whether I'm still in the back of his mind. There is no way to find out but I guess time will tell. I wonder if its a good idea to even tell him I'm in Gtown for fest or if I should risk  a chance meeting by bumping into him.

Either way, I intend on seeing him when i go up for fest. I'm kinda keen for some naps and my, hopefully, regular dose of Vitamin-M. 

Untitled.

Here I sit, on a Friday night, wrapped in a blanket and watching series on my laptop. What has happened to me? What happened to the club hopping, drug snorting, whild-child of the past? Care free and painting the town red. Oh right, I grew up. I guess it happens but this isn't what I was expecting. Then again, I don't know what I was expecting from this new maturity but this certainly wasn't it. 

I saw a picture recently and it had some or other quote on it about being lonely because you hate everybody and not because your standards are too high. I have to disagree with that. I don't hate everybody, I try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt, but I still find myself sitting along in bed with the people I most want to be with barely even aware of my existence. I know right now this just sounds like a pity party for one but this is how I feel. I constantly stare at my phone wishing that little red light will flash and the message will be from somebody I care about. 

I always liked to tell myself that I didn't mind being alone and until recently I seriously felt that way. Now, on the other hand, I think I may need to retract that statement. All I really want is someone to cuddle up to. We don't even need to speak, I just want someone. Does that make me needy or does that just make me a normal person that wants some sort of company? 

Chop, chop.

It's come to that time of every two or so months where I have decide to have the large majority of my hair hacked off. The task its self is simple enough, make a booking, set a reminder on your phone, and hope to God that you don't forget about the appointment. 

Although, more important than remembering the appointment, I need to make a decision about what exactly I'm going to have done to my hair. I trust Ryan, my stylist, and I know he will do what is best for me and my face shape bla bla bla but I'm not sure of I wanna stick with my regular, somewhat boring, cut or whether I wanna go for something a little more adventurous. Decisions, decisions. Also, to complicate matters just a little bit more, I wanna do something Mike will like. (Oh God, that rhymed) I have been told he like the more many stuff but I don't know. Guess I'll just have to see what he suggests. Here goes nothing.  

Blue skies or the eye of the storm?

After a very long and somewhat turbulent first semester I arrived home yesterday for the vac. Not that it's gonna be much of a vac as I have a job, one of the many perks of getting older and having decided to take on a little more responsibility in my life. 

Anyways, my first day back in PE served to be one of many thrills. I went for coffee with Meemz, the one and only, one of the few people in my life to hold BFF status. Coffee and brownies were amazing! Almost as amazing as the company while sipping on my cappuccino and snacking on a delicious red velvet square of sugar and fat. After that we took a drive down to the beach where we had a walk along the shore line, sat on the sandbags and watched the surfers doing their thing and then had the amazing idea to take a walk down one of the storm water pipes that run off into the sea. Sanding at the end of it, about 20m or so into the sea, we stoop quietly while, again, watching the surfers do their bit. Before we knew it a massive wave had hit the storm water pipe and needless to day, we were wet. Soaked! It was at that point both of us decided we were at adventure capacity and that we both needed a good shower. With that we decided we would get together for yoga on Saturday morning and we bid our fair wells. 

- Meemz and I at Urban Express Coffee Co.

After dropping Meemz off at home and having a shower I decided to chill for a bit only to later decide i do not need to get any fatter and that the brownie needed running off. A 7km jog later here I am. Sitting on my bed and reporting back to all zero of my readers about my day but, i think that is how I like it. 

During my run I was able to reflect a little, thinking about how up and down the past semester was as well as how amazing today has been. I can't believe I gave my Meemz and all this up just so I could get a fresh start that I fucked up anyway. If I could reverse 6 to 9 months and do it all over I think I would do things quite differently but then again hindsight is easy, making good choices is not. Have I made good choices or are they as bad as I think they are? Well, whatever the case I have made my bed, now I gotta lie in it. 

Fleeting thoughts, please stay in my head.

I promised myself countless times that I would never do this again. I promised myself that I would not allow these thoughts. Mike, why are you in my head? 

Why am I doing this to myself? I'm not gonna be in Gtown for the next 4 and a half weeks. I can't do this again. I refuse to have a rerun of the Easter-Dave saga. Ok, well, an actual Dave rerun is just about impossible as Mike is not a bottom feeding, self-centered,d-bag filled with steroids but its still happening. Why? I really wish I could just get over the awkward crush phase and find out exactly what's going on but that may pose as a slight problem as Mike isn't exactly the best at checking his BlackBerry. I guess I will just have to weather the storm and see what happens when I get back, or when I possibly go up for fest but that's a different story entirely. 

So good to be home. Well, kinda!?

After an hour or so in the car I finally got home after a long, stressful and somewhat turbulent term. Driving up the tree lined avenue I could almost smell the coffee as I approached. Without even unpacking my car I jumped out, ran inside and there it was...

Sitting on the couch, insulated by its own sheer mass and blubber, the waste of space that is my aunt was still here. Close on a year later I thought she would have moved on, found somebody else to use and abuse for free food and shelter but no. She was still here. In my house. Eating my bacon. 

Cave troll aside I am happy to be home. There is good coffee, some food and a bed and shower with my name on it. I shouldn't complain. I know it's more than most have. It's just amazing how the sight of a person and destroy your good mood. Am I being unreasonable or is this justified? 

For the soul.

So, last night an old friend of mine was in town and to celebrate the return of Christine (still fake names) we all went our for beers at The Rat and Parrot. All was going really well until I spotted him, talking to one of my friends, Mike. I think everybody has that one person who is "the one that got away" and for me, Mike is one of my escapees.  

After a shockingly awkward eye catching half sort of wave and smile thing and when we were about to leave the Rat I plucked up the courage to go talk to him and casually (and shockingly transparently) drop the fact that we were going to Champs next and that he should maybe pop in. No!? Anyways, long story short, he came to Champs and stayed for a drink or 2. At the end of the evening, when we were leaving I gave Mike a lift home and he invited me in for tea/coffee.

After waking up the next morning after a night of naps I could not help but smile. There I was, lying in his arms and all I could think was how perfectly we fitted together. His arms around me, our legs intertwined. It was exactly what the doctor ordered, exactly what I needed. Although one night stands aren't really my thing this one was great. 

Procrastination like never before.

Seriously, this is getting bad. This procrastination is getting out of hand. I have spent the last half hour watching clips of YouTube and then a food 15min deciding whether I should take the 04:00pm laundry slot of the 02:30pm slot even though I was a good 20min late for it. Ended up taking the 04:00 slot. Yeah, this is what my life has boiled down to. Got to love exams. 

So, I write accounting tomorrow and OMFG I am nervous. I think I know what is going on but I thought so at the last test too and that didn't go too well. Like 28% Not too well. I try to block it from my brain though. It's not my favorite thing to think about. Anyways, back to the accounting I should go. Wish me luck... 

I'm so not in the mood. 

Forrest or Avacado?

For centuries people have been asking the philosophical question, is the grass greener on the other side? Personally, I believed that I had the answer to my previous situation but it may seen as if the forrest green grass of the other side may be the exact same shade as the avocado where I have come from.

So, for the last three years, not including this one, I attended NMMU in my hometown. I stuck it out, gritted my teeth and after three very long years I got my degree in architecture, my BAS. After I finished that I made the shockingly bad life decision of starting again by boing a BCom at Rhodes. The grass at Rhodes had always seemed greener than that of NMMU as my best friend from high school has been here the whole time. Rhodes, as an institution, has always been proud of how diverse the students and faculty is. They have also been proud of how open and accepting the students can be. This I have found is not always the case. Just because Rhodes is accepting does not mean the student body feels the same way. 

I have never been ashamed of my sexuality, it's never been something I have flaunted either but I am not ashamed to shy I have a homosexual vein running through my body and it is here to stay. Although I may not be entirely straight I have never wanted to be an integrated part of the LGBTI community. I don't like the connotations and stereotypes of malicious gossip and flamboyant behavior. I will admit that I did my time in the gay clubs but I feel as if I have outgrown it and now I just wanna settle down and enjoy my time. This has been grossly misinterpreted by the LGBTI community of Rhodes with them believing I want to be "Mr. Straight" and that I'm living this lie. I didn't get this, of all the people that have potentially been hurt by judgement, this community should surely be the last to judge. Am I wrong in thinking this? 

Either way, it has turned out that the grass is not always greener on the other side. The past of pigeon holes and generalization has continued to the now somewhat avocado tinted grasses of Rhodes. Guess that answers my question.