Shaaame...

In the past weeks I have been experiencing a large dose of shame in my life and sadly not in the really cool art-movie way. To make matters worse all the shame is mostly directed to one person that I kinda like. As mentioned in previous entries there is a certain Kyle in my life and he is still the object of my affection. Too bad almost every time I am around him I turn into my usual hot-mess-express and just go and shame myself. WHY??? 

So I might be seeing Kyle again this Saturday and this time I vow to not turn into the hot-mess-express again. I will hold myself together. I will try. I have an idea I am going to fail most epically and get back on my express line but let's see. 

Will keep you posted...

Home Sweet No.

For the past week I have been in Cape Town spending some time with friends for birthdays but most importantly just to get away for a little while. The break was great. There was wine tasting, shopping, party, low-tea and a whole lot of fun involved. My time in CT was great but the same can not be said about my return.

I have been back for less than 24hours and I already what to strangle my brother. He is a PIG. There are pieces of his shit (not his actual shit but his stuff) laying eyerywhere. No, seriously, I mean everywhere. There is a shirt of the plasma unit (God knows how long it has been there), a bicycle in the study, computers in the dining room, shoes in the lounge etc. and just to put things in perspective he has left a while bunch of his things in the lounge since Christmas. CHRISTMAS!!! That is almost a month ago. It's in exactly the same spot that it was in when he put it there. I am tempted to put everything in a black bag and just throw it out. I'm not joking. 

I realize that I am probably not the most objective person put as I have a somewhat OCD perspective on these things but seriously!?

That awkward moment when.

Sitting in the lounge, on the couch, watching a movie with my family and it dawned on me, I may have worked out of what I'm afraid of.

Some people are afraid of pain, death, spiders etc. Yes, I am somewhat afraid of them but that's not it. I think my greatest frears are that of dying alone and also that of just being average. Everybody generally has something that thy are good at. Swimming, surfing, being clever, music etc. There is nothing special about me. I'm kinda just a regular guy and I'm petrified that I will remain average. That there will be nothing special about me. Ever. Anyways, that's enough of a pity party from me. Peace out guys.

Stay strong, stay special.