Saturdays and Solidude.

Solidude. (noun) A male who enjoys spending time by himself. 

A lot of people say a lot of things about solitude and whether it's a good or bad thing. I don't know about everyone else, but I love it.

I have spent most of my day hiding out in my room either reading or watching series. It's been great. I've enjoyed the peace and quiet and sometimes I wish it would never end. I decided to end my day by taking a walk up to monument so I can watch the sunset. It's a pity I didn't take two things into account. 

Firstly, there were other people up at monument. That didn't make me happy. Not at all. They make a noise. They hang in groups and judge the fact that I enjoy to be by myself. 

Secondly, I didn't bank on the place being so covered in trash. Rhodes students, feel ashamed. You are disgusting. You shouldn't be allowed to do this. 

All in all, despite the little Mumbai squatter camp that was blasting music next to me, the sunset was quite peaceful. After you block all other things out and just enjoy things for what thy aren't amazing what you notice. 

Fleeting Moments Do Pass.

Lately I have begun to get bad again. The depression is back. There, I said it, happy!? I'm really not sure why it's back but it is and I intend on killing it like all the other times. They say that acceptance is one of the first steps in being able to get over anything but who knows. Maybe even the final stage of grieving but if this is the final stage of grieving I have a miserable life ahead of me.

I don't want this. I don't want any of this. 

Over the past 3 or so weeks when I was bad one good thing has come from all of this. I am contemplating getting professional help. Yes, a psych. A friend of mine sees one and after opening up to him he thinks maybe it will be good for me to see one too.

I don't know. I still feel weird about it but if it can help he get over this then I will be more than willing to actually give it a shot. 

I am tired of being this down. This defeated. I want to be normal. All the time. Not only for a couple weeks at a time of whatever. 

I think I need help. 

Considerately Inconsiderate.

I do not claim to be the best person in the world. I am not gonna win a Nobel Piece Prize anytime soon if not ever but I would still like to believe that I am a good person. I try to be nice enough and be considerate to those around me but it's not easy all the time.


Living with someone had taught me that life is not easy, even when you friends with the person you living with... and his girlfriend... who is over... ALL THE TIME!
Whenever I do things I try to be considerate towards my flat mate. Not make a lot of noise, watch movies and videos with my earphones in. Same with music. I always offer to make tea for him if I make for myself. I look at his schedule when I make supper etc. Sadly, as considerate as I am trying to be this is not always reciprocated. Actually, scratch that. It is almost never. He listens to music and YouTube videos excessively loudly at all strange hours, he makes a noise, he is generally unhelpful and worse of all, he sheds. Leaving hair all over the apartment and who has to clean it up? Me.
Of course.


I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I do everything perfectly but at least I try. That is a lot more than I can say for him.
Ok, rant over. Hope everybody has an amazing weekend. Love you all.

Chin Up, Keep Improving That Life

So I'm not really sure what's going in with me. Since my "Year of Michael" post 2 days ago I have been in the oddest moods. I'm not really sure of how to descried them other than with melancholy. I'm not happy or in a good mood but I'm not exactly down either. I'm really not sure what is going on with me.


I have no reason to start getting bad again. I can't right now. I know and realise I have to fight it off.


The only reason I can maybe think to why I have been in these odd moods is because of what's doing down with the flavour of the month guy I'm seeing, Darren. I'm not sure where we are in whatever we are doing. We kinda tried to DTR (Define The Relationship) but it left me more confused than before. I'm gonna take a tip from the list of 7 Ways to Improve Your Life that YouTube blogger Alfie posted. Two of the tips he recommends are:

• Don't worry about nothing
• Cut the excessive social media

I have been trying to embrace these steps but It's not easy. I guess what I'm saying is that the road to happiness is a long one and we need to keep working at it to ensure that it stays, long term.
We need to remember that we create our own happiness and it is important. Yes, happiness can be gained by helping those around you and ensuring others happiness but it is still important to keep your own happiness in mind.


I think what I'm trying to say is that I need to do me for a little while. Wrap myself up in my own work and forget about the problems around me.

Year of Michael (a working title)

Once again it's out with the old and in with the new. 2015 is here to replace 2014 and all the good and bad that went with it. A new year comes with he hopes and allure of a fresh start, new possibilities and a new beginning.
It's cliché to say "a new year, a new me" but I have a feeling that it's gonna be a good one. I'm not sure why but I have a good feeling about this.
2015 will be the year of Michael, as previously stated its a working title, but I have high hopes for an amazing year ahead. No unnecessary drama. It's gonna be a good one.




The year started similarly to how it ended. Quite well, I think. Met some new people and friends, caught up with some old ones. It's been good. Continuing the theme of last year and my eternal optimism, no-complaining November and general positive living.


It was Audrey Hepburn that said:

"Nothing is impossible. The word itself says 'I'm possible'"

The quote makes me think, believe, hope that after all this will be the year of Michael (working title). With enough positive thought and hope one can achieve anything and that will be the theme for this year. I believe in me and I hope the world will too.

As hard as I try to believe things like this I still can't help but wonder if I'm being stupid!? Attitudes have the power to influence but do they really have that much power at the end of the day?

I ended the previous university year on a really bad note. Lets just say I may have left a large portion of my dignity in Friars. Not my finest moment. Not at all.

It is my hope that this year, 2015, the year of Michael, I will be able to make some changes. Good life changes, good life choices. I realise they all boil down to my actions and it is something I need to change. These is no blaming anybody or anything else. This is all on me. It is my task, duty, responsibility, my hope that I can change it.

The saying goes that a tiger cannot change his stripes but I hope that this is not true.

So this will be the year of Michael. 2015. Lets make it a good one. I know most people start the year with all the most positive intentions and resolutions but they usually fail within the first week or two. I realise that if I deem a change needs to be made in my life it should be mate when I want it to be made, not at the start if a new calendar year. Once again, this is all on me. I need to make the difference.



Holiday Blues.

Recently I heard a quote that went something along the lines of:

"I don't feel as sorry for the person who goes to bed alone and feels lonely
but rather
the person lying next to someone else that still feels lonely"

Not sure why but this quote hit me really hard. It's not like I'm lying in bed next to someone and still feel alone, I am 100% alone after all. Sounds terrible but I have come to embrace this. I enjoy being alone. It's great but now, thanks to the festive season, my solitude has been destroyed.

I used to love being home alone all day, just me and Fendi (the dog) in the silence but this is now gone. My parents are off work, who knew they ever did that, and my brother has also come home. We are a full house at the moment and it is driving me crazy. All I want is my silence back.

All I want is to be alone.

I have taken to running and taking the dog for a lot more walks. It gives me an extra hour or so to enjoy the silence and be by myself. I know this is very anit-social behaviour but I enjoy it none the less.

It is what's best for my sanity.

I have been trying very hard to keep up the sunny disposition that I started in November but it has been difficult. After November went well, having passed all my exams, I am now a firm believer in positive energy bringing about positive results.

Lets keep it light. Lets keep it mellow. Put positivity into the world and it will be returned to you.

Highs, Lows and Sunday Selfies

After a long week of studying for economics it is finally over. It felt like it has taken forever to get to this point but I am here. That was the last economic paper I will hopefully have ever written. Well, holding thumbs I will not have to come back for a supplementary exam in February but I'm sticking with the external optimism.


After the exam of Friday I have taken a weekend of a well-deserved break. I at least think it was well deserved.
Friday we went out for lunch and then again for some drinks in the evening. It was really nice to go out and just be chilled. To not have to worry about having to study or my upcoming exams. While out on Friday I met some really interesting characters. It was great. I let my hair down and just had a great time. Had a really great time with Andreas, Lisa and Scott. I really love them. They are such special friends. They make this place bearable.
Saturday was also really chilled. Went to buy Fiona's birthday present, a gift basket of exam treats that I have subsequently given to her and she loved. Although this is way before her birthday. Later on Saturday I had another birthday event, for Chrissi. As I have previously mentioned I go to coffee tasting to help a friend, who is also a barista, out. One of the girls that also attend the tastings had a small birthday get together at the shop and we were all invited. It was such a nice time. I had a blast. It was such a nice time. After that I went back up to res for a fat chill. This happened until a bit later when a friend of mine, Josh, messaged me. So, Josh is a guy I met about four or so months ago while at Tri-Var non Tri-Var. We get along, I guess, and he's a nice guy. Great hook-up but more than that, I don't know. Our hook-up left we with a great ending to the day. Well, that and watching Stardust for about the millionth time.


Friday and Saturday were perfect. Just what I needed but like all good things, nothing lasts forever...


Sunday has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have no idea as to whether I am coming or going or what the fuck is going on inside my head. I have spent most of the day cooped up in my room watching movies and listening to music. I am having super mixed emotions about everything. I can't decided whether I want to see people or be alone. Be happy or sad. Optimistic or just plain angry. Angry at what, I'm not even sure but it seemed like the right emotion. The only thing stopping me hurling my coffee cup across the room is the rational side of me thinking that I'm just gonna have to clean it up so what's the point? Will it make me feel better? Probably but I still feel it's unnecessary and a waste of a perfectly good coffee cup. I have grown fold of these thick, white and cheap PnP specials.


I guess it's not strange that I have had such a rollercoaster weekend. What goes up must come down and I think the rules of physics applies to my emotions too. All in all I think it has been a good weekend. If not for the time I spend with friends, the hook-up or the movies watched but for the awesome selfie I took while on the walk I took a little earlier. Looks like selfie-Sunday is happening again.